I sort of feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions, but I thought writing about my latest journey would probably be therapeutic. Writing has always been an escape, and I wanted to share this experience with others.
As some of you may (or may not) know, my husband (Cory) is in the United States Coast Guard. He is coming up on his 13th year, and so far, we have been lucky in that our time apart has been no more that 2-8 weeks at a time. However, last year, we decided that the best choice for our family and my husband's career would be for him to put in for a spot in Bahrain.
I know what some people are thinking. YES, we chose this. The other options did not seem like a good fit for our family, and this would provide an amazing opportunity for Cory's career. Not only that, but it would allow me to move back home to Alabama so that I could have support while he is away. It was not an easy decision. We talked about it a lot. We prayed about it even more. It was extremely difficult to wrap my head around the fact that my husband would be over 7,000 miles away from his family for an entire year. However, with my health and having 4 kids, I needed the support family would provide, and he needed sea time to advance his career within the Coast Guard.
The next thing people are frequently surprised about is the fact that the US Coast Guard operates outside of the US. Stars and Stripes has a great article that covers why the Coast Guard is overseas and explains the very important job they have there. I won't post many details about what he is specifically doing or where he goes. That is for his safety as well as the safety of his shipmates. Also, that is his story to tell. Mine is here, holding down the fort while he serves our country.
Three days ago, I hugged my husband for the last time in months. It was heartbreaking. I honestly didn't think it would hurt so much to kiss and hug him and watch him get on that plane knowing it would be months before I would get to do that again. We are blessed in that we live in a digital age where I can communicate frequently with him, but let's be honest, it is just not the same as having him physically here.
On top of my husband deploying, my children also had to say goodbye to their father. Watching my kids hug and kiss their daddy goodbye felt like my heart was being ripped out and stomped on. I knew they would miss them, but I didn't realize just how difficult it would be standing there in that airport terminal and coping with my own emotions while also attempting to console 3 crying boys and my fussy 1 year old daughter who was oblivious to what was happening around her. Luckily, I had my parents there to help. I didn't have to drive back alone.
But I do go to bed alone. Life goes on. I have deadlines I have missed with getting Give Me Hope published. The audio for Hold Me Still needs to be proofed. Four little humans demand my attention. I would love to have a day to just stay in bed miss my husband and mourn for the year we won't be together, but I can't. Instead, for the last 3 days, I have gotten up, cared for my kids, and attempted to stay busy.
I want to write. I want to throw myself into work and let the time pass while I escape into the worlds I have created. I opened my computer while the kids were resting today, but I just didn't have it in me. I sat in front of the computer screen, praying that I would feel inspired, but I didn't. Instead of forcing it, I decided to work on a project for my husband, but even that didn't turn out right.
I don't write this for pity. I simply want my readers to understand that, while I have big plans for the year ahead, I think I just needed a few days to let everything sink in. I have to put my kids first and help them adjust and help them cope with their emotions. They are acting out, they are trying to work through everything in their own little minds, and they need their mama.
I plan to blog as frequently as possible so that I am at least writing something. A lot has happened in the last several months, and it has been difficult to find time to write so deadlines have been adjusted. I promise that I will do my very best to get this book written, but I want to do it correctly. I am working on setting more attainable goals for myself while also homeschooling my older 2 boys and caring for all 4 of my children. It is a juggling act. One that I hope to improve soon.
Until then, I will use the blog as an outlet and a way to document this wild journey my family is undertaking. I have faith that God will see us through, and just maybe we will learn a little something in the end.
-Britaini
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."
Hebrews 6:19